{"id":43574,"title":"How to Cope with the Loss of Loved One.","description":"How to cope with the loss of loved one. Coping methods and a small insight into what it is like to have lost a loved one to mental health. We are in this together. This is my story and how I am trying to deal with the death of my wife who suffered with mental health to the extent of making her commit suicide.","content":"

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How to cope with the Loss of a Loved One.<\/u><\/h2>

I have recently gone through a traumatic loss. My wife was suffering really bad with mental health, she was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder<\/u><\/strong> <\/u><\/a>and did not get the right help or enough help from the mental health team at Basildon Hospital. She was just told to smile and keep going and then they would up her medication and tell her to come back in 6 months. Upping someone pills does not help with mental health it helps to keep them quiet for a while but when the drugs stop working as well as they did in the beginning the answer is not to keep increasing the dosage the answer is to get to know them and experience what they are going through so you can get a clearing understanding of what they are going through. Do you know how hard it is to tell someone what is going on in your head, its impossible and everyone suffers in a different way even if the diagnosis is the same as some one else\u2019s. Mental Health is a serious illness and needs to be treated like one and not left and hope it goes away, It doesn\u2019t just go away it gets worse.<\/p>

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The True side effects to antipsychotic medication.<\/u><\/h2>

After years of trying lots and lots of different medications my wife told me she felt like a zombie and didn\u2019t know what to do and couldn\u2019t do what she wanted to do as after a while her cognitive skills had gone and she could no longer do what she used to do and that makes things a lot worse. She had lost to ability to cook, clean and look after herself as the pills just made her numb and unable to do the simplest of tasks. <\/p>

Luckily though I was there as her carer to look after her so she didn\u2019t have to worry about doing the simple things. Towards the end of her life she was trying so many different ways to cope with what she was going through and one way was to start trying to go back to work. She went for trial shifts as a waitress which she used to do and was dam good at it but didn\u2019t work out as she wasn\u2019t able to carry 4 plates out at once like she used to and was so anxious in that environment. She then tried a chip shop which she used to do many years ago but once again was unsuccessful due to not being able to do the job to the standard that was expected, she had worked in job roles like this for years before and once again was dam good at it but now she couldn\u2019t do it due to the high dosages of medication prescribed to her by her GPs and psychiatrists at the hospital.<\/p>

The last straw came when she went and done a deep end of tenancy clean job with one of my friends daughters. She Came home so so happy thinking she had done the job well and was told she had done an amazing job and they will be in touch. They even sent messages without an prompt saying they loved working with her but this was all bull shit as they never rung again. That was the final straw for Laura, she now had it in her head that she was useless and a burden on everyone and we would all better without her holding us back. This was not true I was and still am so so proud of her for even trying to do what she done for her family when she was going through so much.<\/p>

2 months later she killed herself. She could not cope anymore and decided enough was enough and when I left the house to pick our boy up she hung herself.<\/p>

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What its like to find your partner hanging.<\/u><\/h2>

I cannot and will never be able to explain the feeling of coming home to find your wife, best friend, soul mate and your rock hanging from the bannisters on the stairs. I had to cut my wife down dead, she had used the rope from her favourite dressing gown, she had lost that much weight that this took her weight. I had not seen the weight loss as I was with her all the time and as she had a rare condition called familial partial lipodystrophy<\/u><\/strong><\/a> <\/strong>she could not store fat so didn\u2019t see the change. I did however take a picture of use together on that day (16th September 2024) and when I saw this a week later I then saw what everyone else saw. You can see in her eyes that she was suffering and she was not part of this world. I just wish I could have saved her, I tried my best I really did try and it took its toll on me as well. I put everything I had into Laura and really really tried to make her life better but mental health is a killer and it won, mental health bloody won.<\/p>

The feeling of emptiness is horrible and I would not wish it upon anyone, the feeling of feeling like you\u2019ve let your wife and best friend down is the worse feeling in the world, the guilt for leaving her alone will never leave me, I should have known, I should have been able to save her but the thing that is helping me at the moment is knowing she is no longer in distress and no longer in mental pain. She is now up there with her mum and dad hopefully having a laugh and a joke and to those who dont believe in the spirit world can do one.<\/p>

keep busy by trying our collection of 1000 piece puzzles\"Arnold<\/u><\/a><\/p>

Does someone\u2019s spirit stay behind after Death,<\/u><\/h2>

I was looking up in the sky the next night talking to her, it was a peaceful night and no clouds in the sky. As i was doing this a little light or orb thing went straight into my left eye. I checked to make sue it wasn\u2019t a reflection from a tear but I was not crying, it was Laura letting me know she is now inside me and part of me. Her soul had stayed behind and when it was time she let me know and she entered my body and soul.<\/p>

Dont get me wrong this does not make it easier to cope with it just lets me know that she is with me and looking out for me. It put me at ease that night, but only for that night. I have not slept properly since and it is now 5 weeks today. It is still so raw and still so hard to deal with at night, the loneliness and the feeling of guilt combined with seeing your wife hanging and having to cut them down causes so much intense gut wrenching heart ache that you can actually feel the pain in your heart, you can feel it. Then you get the wave of emotion that comes storming through your body from your stomach to your head and it is intense and it puts you to your knees.<\/p>

What I have been doing to cope with the loss of my wife.<\/u><\/h2>

I signed up to the gym. 2 weeks after the incident I started training again. I hadn\u2019t trained in around 6 months and I decided it was time to get back in there. So I did.<\/p>

This was the best decision I had made. Exercising is the best way to get to release some of the pain and tension in your body. Get in and lift those weights or get on the treadmill and run, Release those endorphins and you will feel so good, but i\u2019m not going to lie it doesn\u2019t last long, when you leave the gym those feelings soon come back.<\/p>

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Use Emotional Pain to Lift more weight and Exercise more.<\/u><\/h2>

Use the pain to lift, use your emotions to lift those weights and take it out on your body before your brain takes it out on you. I was struggling to lift on the bench this morning so I thought of what I was going through and what I had to do and I lifted it with ease, its like you get some sort of super strength. The feeling of tiring yourself out with exercise is the best feeling, it makes you feel good for those 2 hours and 2 hours of feeling good helps a hell of a lot trust me.<\/p>

Use the gym as a release of emotional pain, even if its just a walk around the block with your thoughts, the feeling of being out in the fresh air helps, its the release of the endorphins again, you have to release the endorphins, release them and you will get a mental break from the emotional torture of losing your loved one.<\/p>

Keep Busy to help deal with trauma.<\/u><\/h2>

This is the time when you have to keep busy, you have to have to have to keep busy. Keep to the same routine, keep the same plans that you might of made before the incident, what ever it takes do not be alone all the time if you can help it but this is is the weird thing, allow one day a week to be alone, Yes this is contradicting what I just said about being busy but you also need that day to hide in your shell at the start of your recovery journey. This journey never ends, this journey will remain with you forever as you can imagine and i\u2019m not going to lie it does not get easier you just learn to cope with it over time. Talk to people, make sure you talk to friends, family or call the Samaritans on 116 123 <\/u><\/a>they are available 24\/7 and they will listen and when your ready to stop talking you stop and hang up, they are there for you and it was the best decision I had made other than going to the gym.<\/p>

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Do you lose your memory when going through the loss of a loved one.<\/u><\/h2>

I have no idea what i am doing at the moment, the last 5 weeks have been a blur, planning a funeral of your wife is one of the hardest things if not the hardest thing you will have to do, she was 38 and could not cope anymore.<\/p>

Please if your suffering get in touch and I will speak to you and try and help as much as I can. We can share our pain together and help each other get through this as I need help as well. I tried to deal with everything on my own at the beginning but this was the worst decision. In the end I realised that I couldn\u2019t do this on my own and asked family and friends for help and this was this along with the gym was the best decision I had made.<\/p>

You are not alone, you need to talk, you need to train, you need to exercise and you will learn to cope with the loss of your loved one. I am still trying but I will keep trying, I will keep training and keep talking. Sometimes you will think that you cant talk to people as you feel like a burden on them and dont want to keep talking about with them but true friends and real family members will understand and be there for you, YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND DONT TRY TO BE ALONE apart from that one day a week.<\/p>

Email me - thegymdays@gmai.com<\/a><\/p>

Message on X - https:\/\/x.com\/thegymdays<\/a><\/p>

I will respond I will do my best to help you get through this. Writing this has helped me a lot and I will keep adding to it when I think of new ways of coping. I am here for you, I will try and help and I will respond to messages and cries for help.<\/p>

I set up a go fund me page to help with the cost of the funeral as they are so expensive, you might get some help from the government but its always worth trying to raise your own cash to hlep cover the costs if you cannot afford it yourself,<\/p>

Here is a link to my GOFUNDME page<\/u><\/a><\/p>

My name is Mat and its nice to meet you and share a little insight into what has happened. Thanks for reading.<\/p>

Check out our one stop gym shop for when you are ready to train, when your ready to get out and be around people get in the gym. Get all the accessories you need, even if you want to build a garage gym or a home gym set up, we have everything that you need below.<\/p>

The Gym Days ONE STOP GYM SHOP<\/u><\/h2>

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